Mattie (hipkid) wrote,

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Is my brain expanding?

I had a fight with my parents last night. I was in a mood where I just wanted to be alone and blast some music and smoke a pack of cigarettes. So I left my house for like an hour around 11:30. I come home and my mom freaks at me and tells me I'm a user and a leech. For the first time..instead of being hurt by her words..and listening to her constantly put me down...I took her words and said "Fuck that...I am not a bad person." It's raining again. It always rains on my days off. I have to open tomorrow. It's supposed to be sunny all day. I guess it's sort of poetic because I have been going through a time of loss for the past few years, but I finally feel like this darkness is going to lift any day now. I am finally accepting the person I am. If that person isn't good enough for some people..then fuck them. I'll find other people...or I'll be alone. My life can no longer be revolved around everyone else and not me. It will revolve around me AND everyone else. I do not want to be selfish. I won't be. But I can't keep forgetting myself and keep expecting other people to remember me. That's how I get hurt. I feel like I have grown a bit smarter in the past few days. Kudos to me!

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